At the beginning of this year, I chose one word to strive toward as my goal for 2012—intentional. I thought I’d write a little about how I’m doing with being more intentional this year.
It hasn’t been easy to be intentional. As an introvert, for example, it’s hard to be intentional in my relationships because it means putting myself out there in a way that may not be comfortable. Thankfully I realise these things take time, and there’s always grace from God when I fail to meet my goal of being intentional.
Now that I’m nearing the end of pregnancy, it’s becoming even more of a challenge to be intentional. I know that may sound strange, but it’s true. Most days, my thoughts focus on one word: BABY. In some ways, that’s fine, but it can become unhealthy. My thoughts have the tendency to become so focused on baby and the end of this pregnancy that I forget my goal of being intentional. More specifically, I tend to forget the important relationships that surround me. And, in my self-pity, I tend to forget the amazing things that God has done.
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| “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.” Psalm 77:11 (ESV) |
Enter God’s perfect timing.
I’ve been going through a Bible study in the book of Psalms the last couple of months. Last week I studied Psalm 77. At first I thought that this would be a good psalm for someone who is depressed or for me if I should find myself suffering from postnatal depression after I have the baby. I had tucked it away on the shelf for just such an occasion until one morning when I realised that, duh, this passage was for me… right now. Ouch, that hurt.
And I said, “This is my anguish;
But I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the works of the Lord;
Surely I will remember Your wonders of old.
I will also meditate on all Your work,
And talk of Your deeds.
Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;
Who is so great a God as our God?
You are the God who does wonders;
You have declared Your strength among the peoples. Psalm 77:10-14 (NKJV)
It hurt to realise that I’ve been neglecting to remember God’s goodness and faithfulness in my struggles. It also hurt to realise that, yes, I have even neglected certain relationships in my life… relationships that I truly value. It takes being intentional to build those relationships, and honestly “because I’m too tired from being pregnant” is not an excuse. It may just take some extra effort and grace from God.
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| “I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds.” Psalm 77:12 (ESV) |
This week it’s been a bit ‘easier’ to be intentional because people have been contacting me. I’ve had the opportunity to have friends around for a cup of tea (I’m not getting out much these days), and have been invited around to see friends if I’m feeling up for it, too.
In these last few days before “Little Bump” arrives, I’ve been finding it hard to wait for baby, yet enjoy the last few days with just my husband. We have spent most of our nights and weekends together intentionally doing things that we won’t be able to do once the baby comes. As much as I want to hold this little one in my arms, I’ve realised I need to place a priority on my marriage.
So the lesson I’ve been learning lately is… to remember what God has done even in the trying times. He has blessed me with a marriage I wouldn’t trade for the world. He has blessed us with these few remaining days before becoming parents. He has blessed me with friends who care. He has blessed me with this little life growing inside. And He blesses me with a brand new day every day.
So how about you? How are you doing with your goals/resolutions for this year?
