A Letter to my Son on his 1st Birthday

My sweet Titus-boy,

I cannot believe it’s been a year since we welcomed you into the world. Your life was a wild and bumpy ride, and you changed our lives forever. We had some challenging times together–you fought, and God carried us through.

Almost ten months have passed since God saw fit to take you home. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about you, especially in the last couple of weeks as we anticipated your birthday. I miss you, Titus. My arms ache daily to hold you and kiss your cheek one more time. It’s so easy to focus on the challenging parts of your life because a lot of it was incredibly difficult. But God has also used you to change our lives and give us a different perspective on life.

cuddles with my boy on picu

You taught me how to be grateful for the little things. The smiles. The cuddles. The explosive stoma. The fact that you could breastfeed. The Thanksgiving turkey card. The nurses. Accommodation and new friends. It’s easy to overlook the positive things. We do have a lot of positive memories with you.

You taught me how to love more fully. I learned a different kind of love in the 13 weeks you were in my arms. It’s a love that’s more patient and self-sacrificing and a love that’s willing to fight harder. I learned to love that’s more empathetic and compassionate. Because of this new love, I’m not afraid to embrace the precious moments we have.

titus-in-leeds

You brought the world to its knees. People all over the world, some people I don’t even know, prayed for our family as we walked this journey with you. God used you to bring others to Him! It’s incredible that someone so small could have such a big impact on the world. It blesses me to know that friends and strangers alike continue to lift us up in prayer as we grieve your death.

In the first few weeks of your life, God gave me a picture of you. I saw you and your future wife, and for a long time I held onto the hope that you would make it past your first year. That you would fight and be strong through adulthood. When we received your terminal prognosis, I had a difficult time reconciling it with that picture of you and your wife. Daddy pointed out that perhaps it was a picture of Christ and the church. As time went on, I saw that come true. Looking back, I see how God brought His church around us both spiritually and practically. Friends came to visit us in the hospital. Friends sent encouraging words in emails and gifts through a parcel. Our church family provided meals when we stayed in hospital accommodation.

titus-birthday

Titus, God used you to change the world. And I am so grateful He did.

Much love,
Mummy xxx

2017-07-11T20:36:25+00:00 Fri, 28 Oct 2016|Letters to Baby|